After Hours: The Hidden Cost of Always Being the Strong One

What I learned about knowing when to pause, rest and say no

So, I have been thinking about this and wrestled with the idea. For a long time, I felt like I had to show up in a very specific way: professional, polished, clinical. The expert. The scientist. The guy with the answers. And while that’s still part of who I am, it’s not the whole picture.

The truth is, there’s a lot I experience as a person that never quite makes it into the neat, informative boxes of the usual Ask Dr Vincent content. Feelings I’ve had. Things I’ve wrestled with. Moments of doubt, tiredness, worries, burnout; all the stuff that doesn't usually get talked about in the world of health and wellness, but lives underneath it all.

So I decided to start After Hours and this is me inviting you into that space.
Less filter. More heart. Still honest. Still science-informed. But more human.

If that’s not for you — if you prefer just the core health articles and product insights, you can always adjust your preferences at www.askdrvincent.com/account and turn off notifications for After Hours. No hard feelings, truly. This space isn’t for everyone. But it is for someone and maybe that someone is you.

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Okay, for my first article under this After Hours section, I want to write about being strong. It always starts with a compliment.

“You’re so strong.”
“I don’t know how you do it all.”
“You never stop.”
“You always seem so calm.”

And I’d smile. Say thank you. Maybe even make a joke about being tired. But deep down, those words started to feel heavier than they sounded. Like a performance I had to keep up, even when the curtains had dropped.

For years, I’ve been the person others turn to when they need clarity. Advice. Reassurance. A plan. That’s part of my job — and honestly, I love it. It’s a privilege to be someone people trust. But somewhere along the way, I started equating being trustworthy with being invincible. Being available with being okay.

And slowly, quietly, I began to disappear behind the role.

I ignored the tiredness. I rationalised the stress. I dismissed the tightness in my chest as “just a big week” and pushed through. After all, I had deadlines. Interviews. Emails to answer. People to help. A company to run. A smile to keep on.

But here’s what no one tells you:
Even the person holding it all together needs someone.
Even the person with the answers has questions.
Even the helper needs help.

And it’s not that I don’t have an excellent support system, I am so blessed with love and people who are so ready to help and support but I convinced myself I could do it all without help, because I was supposed to be the strong one right?

It took me longer than I’d like to admit to recognise the cost of being “the strong one.”
Not just physically (though yes, the sleep deprivation and adrenal fatigue were real).
But emotionally. Spiritually. Energetically.

I realised I was building a life around resilience… without rest.
And that’s not strength. That’s survival.

I didn’t burn out in a blaze. I faded. I lost joy. I started feeling like I was performing my own life instead of living it.

Then I decided to make changes.

What helped?
Honestly… stopping. Even briefly. Maybe pausing is a better word.
Letting one spinning plate fall, just to see what would actually break (spoiler: nothing important!).
Allowing myself to say “I’m not okay”, not dramatically, not for pity, just truthfully.
Letting people see the messy bits.
Letting myself see them, without judgment.

If you’ve ever felt like you have to hold it all together because everyone expects you to…
If you’ve ever ignored your own needs because someone else’s felt more urgent…
If you’ve ever felt guilty for resting…

This is your (and my) reminder:
You’re not weak for needing time, space, support.
You’re not selfish for saying “not today.”
You’re not failing for being human.

And if no one’s told you this in a while:
You don’t have to earn your rest.
You already deserve it.

It is not selfish, it is self-full.

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After Hours will be a place for stories like this, exploring more ideas and reacting to the world around us, because believe me I have opinions and I want to be able to share them with you.

Thanks for being here.

Until next time,
Dr Vincent